Pre-Arisia: The kind of dancing one does by oneself.

So, one of my favourite parts of Arisia is that it gives me a chance to indulge in the kind of dancing that I don't get to do very often. That's because the kind of dancing I don't get to do very often is the kind of dancing where you go someplace VERY LOUD and stand in the middle of a giant group of people, and everyone starts flailing around in a magnificent sort of manner, attempting to be something close to on beat.

It's dancing all by yourself. And of course, at club dances and the like, I will grab certain partners and do some polkas, one-steps, swing. Hell, I'll waltz if the DJ is kind enough to provide one. But the core idea of this sort of thing is to drown your sorrows in VERY LOUD music, and move your body in an entertaining sort of way. Just...be yourself. Dance, as the proverb says, like no one is watching.

And I love it.

I won't say I dance well. I affectionately call what I do flailing, because let's be honest here, I jump and gyrate and wave my hands around in the air, and admittedly, I do have a good sense of rhythm, but really, you do need a little more than just a good sense of rhythm to be good at this sort of dancing.

I don't dance well, but I am quite good at it, because the skills to be good at dancing by yourself are completely different from the skills needed to dance by yourself well. To be good, you just need to be enthusiastic, honest, and completely aware of how ridiculous you look but enjoying what you're doing far too much to ever stop. Part of it for me is that I dance my absolute best when I need it --if I don't need it, I get self-conscious and start to feel silly. But because dancing can serve to snap my brain away from ever negative emotion it's currently embracing, flailing around like a stork on speed is one of those things I find myself fully willing to use to moderate my worse moods.

It struck me today that I don't really know what gender I am when I dance by myself, which may also help add to the comfort for me. My base mood tends to exist in a form of gender neutrality, and that's what I tend to feel most comfortable being. Oh sure, it's fun to be clearly one gender or the other, especially as it oft leads to my other favourite hobby -- flirting -- but my normal state is one without any particular feelings of male or female at all.

And when I dance by myself, I'm given the rare gift of dancing without a partner, without a role. Meaning, in most cases, I don't _need_ to have a gender, unless I choose one for other reasons. Now, I often do -- see that above note about flirting -- but I don't have to, and that's a wonderful and rare freedom.

So, with any luck, I will not just get to go to a formal ball and be a formal self at Arisia this year. I will also get to go to the very modern opposite of a formal ball, and I will be able to be exactly myself. I look forward to this.

And to the VERY LOUD music.